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Eldritch Happenstance


Eldritch Happenstance

Back in the 1970s and 1980s in Christchurch, New Zealand, I owned several vehicles, one of which was a Morris Minor Convertible sports car affectionately named ‘Ferdinand’.
One day when I went to start Ferdinand before leaving home, the starter cable broke. Now, the starter on this model was a switch concealed under the dashboard with a short cable leading to a round knob on the centre section of the instrument panel. Pulling on the knob would start the car, however on this day the knob came out in my hand when the cable broke. So the car just could not start.
I knew that I wouldn’t have a replacement cable in my “man-shed” so I looked for something that would provide a temporary substitute. I found a short length of fine chain that looked as though it might do the job, at least to get me started for the day.
Conveniently, on the end of the chain was a cylindrical-shaped knob. It was a white and blue porcelain handle from a toilet cistern of the Victorian era. It had the word “Pull” in elaborate calligraphy emblazoned on it.
As the chain was too thick to traverse through the hole in the instrument panel where the original knob had been, I left it hanging below the dashboard and started the car by pulling down on the porcelain handle. It worked surprisingly well.
Now, being a lazy sort of fellow, as often has happened when I effect a temporary repair on something, the chain-pull starter became a permanent fixture.
Sometime later, when I took the car to have an annual inspection for registration, the inspector noticed that the starter knob was missing, and asked how to start the car. I responded by saying, “Just pull the chain!”
The inspector burst out laughing and called a colleague to share in the humour of the situation. For several long minutes they sat together in the car laughing and repeatedly starting and stopping the engine, each pull of the starter followed by peals of laughter.
Eventually, inspection forgotten, they sent me on my way with an un-inspected vehicle, but with the ticket for a fully approved annual inspection.
A few years later I sold the car with the toilet-flush starter still in use.

Now I would like to bring you forward in time to the year 2009. At this time I was living in Australia. It was while driving a Holden Commodore that, once again, I had a problem with a starter switch. I managed to start the car by running a wire from the battery to the starter solenoid (the little device that controls the starter motor). Obviously having to open the car bonnet to start the car meant that this could never be more than a very impermanent resolution to the problem.
I took the car to an auto-electrician in the town of Murwillumbah to effect a more permanent solution. While discussing the dilemma with the mechanic, I lightened the moment by relating to him the true story that I have just shared with you.
As I told him, instead of chuckling along as I expected, his eyes opened wide and he shook his head in disbelief.
“So this was in Christchurch about thirty years ago?” he asked in confirmation.
I replied in the affirmative.
“Then let me tell you a story,” he ventured.

“My wife is a New Zealander,” he began. “In Christchurch, about thirty years ago, she bought a Morris Minor Convertible. The starter was, as you have described, the porcelain handle from a Victorian toilet cistern. She was too embarrassed to tell the seller of the vehicle that she felt uncomfortable driving a car with a toilet-flush starter, so as soon as possible she had it replaced by a conventional starter. She kept the porcelain handle as a souvenir and we still have it hanging in our toilet cubicle at home as a decoration.”
Now it was my turn to sport wide-open eyes and to shake my head in wonderment. A subsequent email with a photograph confirmed the validity of the amazing co-incidence linked by 1500 miles and 3 decades. Was this eldritch happenstance (coincidence through supernatural intervention)? Are coincidences are God's teachers? Is there a lesson to be learned?

Now what sort of prayer is it that gets you (personally) started in the mornings? Is it some relic from the past that is more decorative than utilitarian? Or is it something relevant for today. It is no coincidence that the psalmists used the morning time specifically to both praise God and to bring petitions to His throne. “…It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night” (Psalms 92:1, 2). “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up” (Psalms 5:3). “Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee” (Psalms 143:8). “I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble” (Psalms 59:16).

-- Lionel Hartley


The Lord’s Prayer (Dramatic reading)


The Lord’s Prayer (Dramatic reading)
Cast: Christian (on stage), God (off stage)

Christian (seated centre of rostrum with table and Bible): I was in a hurry this morning so I didn’t get an opportunity to fulfil my mandatory getting-out-of-bed prayer. So as I’ve got a couple of moments, I’ll just fire up a quick one now. I know what I’ll do, I’ll say the Lord’s Prayer. That’ll stop me loosing any Brownie points in Heaven. I’m sure that I got a brownie point for not cussing when I stubbed my toe this morning when I was in a hurry. I’d hate to lose points just because I’m still in a hurry. “Our Father, who...
God (off stage): Yes?
Christian: Hey! Don't interrupt me! I'm praying.
God: But you called me.
Christian: Called you? I didn't call you. I was praying. Our Father who art in heaven...
God: There, you did it again.
Christian: Did what?
God: Called me. You said, "Our Father who art in heaven." Here I am. What's on your mind?
Christian: Oh! So You’re God? But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayer for today. You know, just to fulfil my Christian duty and all. I mean, the pastor keeps emphasising the importance of prayer or Bible study or something like that. Well I never seem to have time for Bible study, so I’m praying.
God: All right. Go on.
Christian: Hallowed be thy name...
God: Hold it! What do you mean by that?
Christian: By what?
God: By "hallowed be thy name"?
Christian: It means...it means.... Goodness me! How should I know what it means? It's just part of the prayer. Someone in the Bible wrote it, I think. (pause) By the way, what does it mean?
God: It means honoured, holy, sacred, wonderful.
Christian: Ah, that makes sense. I never thought about what hallowed meant before. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
God: Do you really mean that?
Christian: Mean what?
God: Thy kingdom come
Christian: Sure. I mean, I want to go to Heaven, don’t I.
God: But you asked for my kingdom to come to you, not for you to go to it.
Christian: Aren’t they the same thing?
God: No. My kingdom on earth is not Heaven. It is found in two places. In the hearts of those who believe, and where two or three are gathered in my Son’s name. My Son Jesus is the gateway, the door of the kingdom. We are the source of our forgiveness and wholeness. As people come to honour us, so they become members of our kingdom – so try again.
Christian: Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in haven.
God: Do you really mean that part about my will being done on earth as it is in Heaven?
Christian: Of course! Why not?
God: In heaven your heavenly Father's will is done gladly, willingly, completely and joyfully. What are you going to do about it?
Christian: Me? Do? Nothing, I suppose. I just think it would be rather snazzy if you took control of things down here the way you have up there.
God: Have I got control of you?
Christian: Well, I come to church and Sabbath School, don’t I?
God: That isn't what I asked you. What about that bad temper? You've really got a problem there you know!
Christian: Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as everybody else in church!
God: Excuse me, but I thought you were praying for my will to be done? If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.
Christian: Oh, all right! I guess I do have a few hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I probably could name some others.
God: So could I.
Christian: I haven't thought about it much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I really would like to know how to be free.
God: Good! Now we're getting somewhere! We'll work together, you and I. Some real victories can be won. I'm proud of you!
Christian: Look, Lord, I need to finish this up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does! Give us this day our daily bread.
God: Sometimes when you come to me, you come for the gifts in my hand.  More important than the gifts in my hand is my hand itself. And it’s not the bread I’m worried about; it’s what you're putting on it. Should I give you bread when you are so unwilling to share what you already have? If I fulfil your request and give you physical and spiritual bread will you willingly share it?
Christian: Hey! Wait a minute! What is this? Here I am doing my religious duty and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my faults!
God: Praying is a dangerous thing. You could end up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to bring across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep on praying. I'm interested in the next part of your prayer. (Pause) Well. go on!
Christian: I'm scared to...
God: Scared of what?
Christian: I know what you'll say!
God: Try me and see.
Christian: Forgive us our sins as we also have forgiven those that sin against us.
God: What about John?
Christian: See! I knew you would bring him up! Why, Lord he told lies about me, and he cheated me out of some money. I swear that I'll get even with him.
God: But your prayer. What about your prayer?
Christian: I didn't mean that little bit.
God: Well, at least you're being honest! But it's not much fun carrying around that load of bitterness inside, is it?
Christian: No, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even! Boy have I got some plans for John!
God: You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. When a person seeks revenge he digs two graves. When you seek revenge, you don't get even, you get odder. Think of how unhappy you really are. But I'll change all that.
Christian: You will? How?
God: Forgive John. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be John's problem and not yours. You may lose the money, but you will have settled your heart.
Christian: Oh, you're right. You always are. And, more than I want to get revenge against John, I want to be right with you. But ... (Pause) ... (Sigh) ... All right. I forgive him. Help him to find the right road in life, Lord. He's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think about it. Anybody who goes around doing the things he does to others has to be hurting. Someway, somehow, show him the right way.
God: There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?
Christian: "Hmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all. I feel pretty great. You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed uptight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest."
God: You're not through with your prayers. Go on.
Christian: And lead us not into temptation …
God: You mean that too? You actually want me to help you not to go to places you’ve planned to go to, to actually prevent you from visiting that particular website (you know the one I mean); you mean you want me to lead you on a new path? Do you want my Holy Spirit to sound a buzzer? True, it is better to shun the bait than struggle in the snare, but temptation is my character development curriculum. Temptation is not meant to make you fail; it is meant to confront you with a situation out of which you emerge stronger than you were. Temptation is to provoke you to look upward to me. Temptation is not the penalty for being human; it is the glory of humanity because you cannot say ‘no’ to temptation without saying ‘yes’ to something far better. You need to make some choices for yourself where you will go or not go because you can’t really keep your eye on temptation while praying not to be led into it.
Christian: Can I just finish now?
God: Go ahead.
Christian:  But deliver us from evil.
God: Is that the same as “Lead us not into temptation”?
Christian: I don’t know.
God: Temptation is not sin. My Son was tempted but never sinned. To deliver from evil is to receive my help for you not to sin again once I have forgiven you. If you ask for forgiveness and then deliberately go out and sin that same sin again, then you have been delivered into evil, not from it. It is much easier to repent of sins that you have committed than to repent of those you intend to commit. I will do as you have asked. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.
Christian: "What do you mean by that?"
God: Don't turn the TV on when you know there are chores to be done or others need your time. Also about the time you spend with your friends, if you can't influence the conversation to positive things, perhaps you should rethink the value of those friendships. Another thing, your neighbours and friends shouldn't be your standard for the accumulation of things. And please don't use me as an escape hatch.
Christian: I don't understand that last part.
God: Sure you do. You've done it a lot of times. You get caught in a bad situation. You get in trouble and then you come running to me: ‘Lord, help me out of this mess, and I promise I'll never do it again.’ You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with me?
Christian: Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord, I really am.
God: Which bargain are you remembering?
Christian: Well, there was the night that the driver of the bus I was in had a heart attack while driving and I remember saying, 'Oh God, if you spare us, I'll never skip my devotions again.’
God: I protected you, but you didn't keep your promise, did you?
Christian: I'm sorry, Lord I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's Prayer every day, then I could do what I liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like this.
God: Both rivers and people become crooked by following the line of least resistance. Go ahead and finish your prayer.
Christian: For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory…
God: Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?
Christian: "No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you. I can see what a mess I've made of my life. And I can see how great it would be to really be one of your followers."
God: You just answered the question.
Christian: I did?"
God: Yes. The thing that would bring me glory is to have people like you truly love me. And I see that happening between us. Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way, there is no telling what we can do together. Now finish your prayer.
Christian: Prayer: For ever and ever. AMEN.  Thank goodness that’s over.
God: Is it?
Christian: Now what?
God: Praying is not a ticket to Heaven -- that ticket comes accepting and believing on me. That ticket has already been paid for by the sacrifice of my Son. In response, I desire of you sincerity in prayer.. Success in prayer is not based on locution – by the right choice of words; nor by arithmetic - how many they are; nor rhetoric - how eloquent they may be; nor magnitude - how long they are; nor is successful prayer based on logic - how argumentative your prayers are; nor the method of your prayers, how orderly they may be; nor is it based on chronology - how frequent they are; nor articulation – how clearly enunciated they are; nor solemnity – how ceremonial they may appear; nor by perfervidity – how passionate your emotions, nor by the use of archaic terms such as ‘thee’ and ‘thou’; nor by the person praying being the leader of a religious order; but success in prayer is based solely on sincerity. So next time, instead of just reciting the Lord’s Prayer, pray it, then live it.
Christian: Thank you, Father God. Amen.

[A note regarding this reading. I heard something similar to this presented in a programme a number of years ago and at the time lodged it into my memory for possible future use. A week ago I sat down and wrote it out to the best of my recall as I had no written copy. I sat back and considered what I had written and felt that it was more entertainment than educative. So I set about re-writing it to use it as a more direct teaching tool. I have since found that a certain Mathew Pole claims to have written it in 2005. However it was in the late 1990s that I heard it presented. So I cannot say what the original source was. I take responsibility for this expanded version. (Lionel Hartley)]