The Use of Humour.

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Proverbs 17:22.

I was working as charge nurse on a surgical ward at a country public hospital and a certain patient was particularly distressed. He was due to have surgery for prolapsed haemorrhoids and the patient in the neighbouring bed had told him fictional horror tales of pain and trauma. I tried to reassure the patient that anaesthetics would minimise pain and we had excellent surgeons and skilled nursing staff, but it did not abate his anxiety.

In the mid morning I was escorting his assigned surgeon around the ward as he met with each patient. I had taken the time to advise the surgeon in advance of this particular patient's concerns. When he met the patient, he introduced himself like this: "Hi. I'm Dr Blake. I'm the resident dental surgeon. I'll be doing your haemorrhoidectomy this afternoon." The blank stare from the patient was quickly replaced with laughter when he saw that the surgeon was only joking.

As they laughed together the surgeon explained that he was in fact a very experienced and skilled proctologist and the patient had nothing to be concerned about. Result: Anxiety relieved.

-- Lionel Hartley

 I am a Walnut.

During my second year at high school, we were required as a whole class to attend the annual school dance. As it was not permissible for me to be absent, I decide to make the most of it and was prepared with some books to read. As I sat on the sidelines reading, one of the faculty came up and said, "Come on social sideliners, you wallflowers, get moving."

One wit among our group said, "Forget about Hartley here, he's not a wallflower, he's a walnut."

A little while later I capitalized on this appellative, when a girl came up to me and asked if I would like to put her name on my card for a dance. Without asking her name, I explained that I didn't have a card, as I was a walnut, not a wallflower, being more interested in feeding my brain than my heart. After which I contentedly resumed my reading.

God created us who we are, so we could make known who He is. Our identity is found in Him for the purpose of making known His identity.

--Lionel Hartley 

 I am someone else.

I was I was standing in shop looking at items on display. A woman came up behind me and began to speak to me as if she knew me.

When I turned around and she saw my face, she stopped, looked astonished, and said, "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

I said, "Yes, Ma'am. You are right. I am someone else."

 

---Lionel Hartley

 The job isn't big enough.

As a keen young man of promise I progressed rapidly in a certain manufacturing company from an after-school delivery boy with a weekly pay packet of coins and one solitary banknote to the manager of a busy warehouse with staff under my care and a $17,000-a-year executives’ salary (very generous in those days) with equally generous 'fringe benefits' including two tailor-made suits a year and twice-weekly dining vouchers.

In order to commit to a life of service to others, I chose to leave all of this to train as a community health nurse with the prospect of less than $5,000-a-year after graduation.

The company's Managing Director argued long for me to stay, offering me an increase in my annual salary to $20,000 and he dangled the carrot of extra benefits including free golf-club membership and less hour’s work.

I turned it all down, explaining that the money was certainly great enough, the fiscal benefits were generous enough, the prestige was big enough, the social-connections were grand enough, the extra leisure time was inviting enough, the material rewards were large enough, but the job itself was too small.

-- Lionel Hartley

 Sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise.

Eph 1:13  … ye were sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise.

 

"Many years ago I worked for a company with the menial task of tying parcels for posting. Each parcel was sealed with a strip of adhesive tape. The purpose of the tape was to stop the parcel from falling apart. When we are sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise, it helps to prevent us from falling apart!"

-- Dr Lionel Hartley, The Blessings of Ephesians One (booklet), Philadelphia Press, 1989 (Available free from www.lrhartley.com)

 Why we Drank.

While working in a psychiatric hospital I was responsible for co-ordinating Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for recovering alcoholics. Because I had never personally experienced alcohol use or abuse I found it a challenge identifying personally with the attendees' addictions. 

One recovering alcoholic sensed this and he handed me a hand-written scrap of paper with these words on it: 

"We drank for happiness and became unhappy.  We drank for joy and became miserable.  We drank for sociability and became argumentative.  We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.  We drank for friendship and made enemies.  We drank for sleep and awakened without rest.  We drank for strength and felt weak.  We drank with the excuse that it was medicinal and acquired health problems.  We drank for relaxation and got the shakes.  We drank for bravery and became afraid.  We drank for confidence and became doubtful.  We drank to make conversation easier and slurred our speech.  We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.  We drank to forget and were forever haunted.  We drank for freedom and became slaves.  We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.  We drank to cope with life and invited death."

-- Lionel Hartley

 The Big Fright.

 

When I was working as solo night nurse in a certain hospital ward, I often carried a torch in the breast pocket of my uniform with the beam pointing downwards, As the head of the torch was within the pocket of my white uniform, the light emitted a soft warm glow, sufficient to safely check on my patients during the frequent night rounds without disturbing them.

One night a student nurse appeared at the ward nurse's station just before I was about to do another round. I asked why she was there and she explained that she had been sent from another ward to observe what a nurse does on a night round.

I switched on my torch, put it in my pocket and invited her to follow me into the darkened ward that was illuminated only by night-lights along the skirting boards.

I might mention that I had inadvertently put my torch in my pocket upside-down and the light was shining upwards.

As I walked into the ward I turned and looked back to see if the student nurse was following me. As I turned, she began screaming in terror.

I immediately spun her around and led her back into the well-lit nurse's station to settle her down and seek an explanation.

When she had sufficiently recovered, she explained that the light shining on my face in the darkened ward gave my countenance a terrifying appearance with my eyes appearing to be darkened, the shadow of my nose moving grotesquely across my face and the shadow of my head on the ceiling above making my appearance like that of a caricature monster.

Needless to say, the torch was returned to its correct position, we resumed our responsibilities and a check on the patients revealed that none of them had woken up despite the loud screaming.

When people look at us, perhaps in the street or at a social gathering, what do they see? Isaiah 43:10 "You are My witnesses," declares the LORD. 

  -- Lionel Hartley