The difference between judgement and observation

To develop healthy boundaries it is helpful to make a distinction between being and behaviour by learning how to observe behaviour without making judgements about myself and others.
There is a huge difference between judgement and observation.  It is vital for me to observe other people's behaviour in order to protect myself.
That does not mean I need to make a value judgement about their being based upon their behaviour.  Judgement is saying, "that person is a jerk."  Observation is saying, "that person seems to be really full of anger."
The trap here is equating I did something bad therefore I am a bad person, or I made a mistake therefore I am a mistake.
Job makes this distinction in Job 2:10 by saying to his wife that she “speaks as one of the foolish women speak” (nebalah, pron: neb-aw-law) rather than actually calling her a fool (raca [Matthew 5:22]).

--Lionel Hartley, Setting Appropriate Boundaries, Seminar NNSW SDA Camp Meeting, 9 October 2007